"He lit a cigarette. His glass of whiskey lit a cigarette. “I can only truly love my dead best friend,” he said, “but not in a gay way. Women wouldn’t understand. They’re too gay.” Both of the cigarettes agreed."

— from Mallory Ortberg’s hilarious “Male Novelist Jokes.” (via coketalk)

(via yoccu)

imsirius:

[some] fave Dane DeHaan candids x

(via fangirldaemilia)

Tags: danaclysm

(Source: bellecs, via pembroke)

yoccu:

lolitsgabe:

Shut. The fuck. Up.

ye

(Source: sp0oky-box-forts)

smartgirlsattheparty:

zimbolt:

KILLED IT

Mic Drop. 

(Source: beeishappy, via alstroemeric)

leonerdnimoy:

whowasntthere:

lunulata:

emperor-shatterfingers:

hyenas, terrifying and excellently organized predators of the savannah

also surprisingly docile and like neck scritches and have a tail chasing compulsion

if you don’t think hyenas are great then you’re objectively wrong

Aaaahhh, I love hyenas. :D

Hyenas: Always getting a bad rap because lions are jerks. Lions actually steal from hyenas most of the time because hyenas are the better predators — but they’re also very skittish when faced with a giant pride of cats. Adorable babies!

Okay, lemme tell you about spotted hyenas, aka the BAMFiest BAMFs in the animal kingdom.

  1. Their societies are entirely female-dominated. Female hyenas are larger and stronger than males and have higher social status in clan hierarchy - even the lowest-ranking female in a hyena clan is higher up the social ladder than the highest-ranking male. They’re basically the Amazons of the animal world. The females even have false penis-like appendages (which are essentially large clitorises), which led the ancient Greeks to think that hyenas were hermaphrodites. Because fuck your narrow human perceptions of sex and gender roles, that’s why.
  2. They are considered the dominant predators of the African savannah, despite not being the largest or strongest, because they are the most successful hunters. Their hunting success rate is estimated to be about 70-80%, meaning that they catch about 70-80% of prey they pursue - a freakishly high statistic (to compare, the success rate of lions and wolves is about 20-30%). They also scavenge much less than lions do, as whowasntthere said, and are incredibly adaptable and opportunistic predators, meaning that they are also the most common and widespread of the large African carnivores. That’s not too bad for an animal typecast as a lazy scavenger.
  3. Their jaws are some of the strongest in the animal kingdom, stronger than those of lions, tigers, wolves or perhaps bears, and can crush elephant and giraffe bones; hyenas are also able to digest all bone matter. Don’t tell me that’s not metal as fuck.
  4. Despite looking like dogs, they are not part of the dog family and are actually more closely related to cats. Because fuck your logic. Nature does what it wants.
  5. They are incredibly intelligent. They are easily as intelligent as primates and some scientists claim that their intelligence may even rival that of the great apes, which would make them among the most intelligent animals in the world. Hyenas even outperform chimpanzees on some tests, which is pretty damn awesome, considering that chimpanzees are our closest relatives and all.

So yeah, basically hyenas are awesome and badass as well as truly fascinating animals and if you don’t have at least a bit of respect for them you’re wrong.

(Source: a-humble-hyena, via bluestarwolf12)

One day, I will look at a newly posted schedule and not immediately plummet into a flurry of rage and panic because a totally simple set of events has been irreparably fucked due to reasons.

I may just quit this second job. I’d rather live in poverty at one and be able to at least cry in peace with all these sweet hours off than spend every hour of every day stressing about how I’m going to make this week’s debacle work out.

do-not-touch-my-food:

Brookies {Brownie + Chocolate Chip Cookies}

Working in the children’s section of a mainstream bookstore:

Little girl: Is there any WONDER WOMAN? :’D

Me: *hunts around* um *looks more in Superhero section* um *FINALLY SPOTS IT* There’s one Wonder Woman.

Me: …There is one… *rifles through section* There is exactly one book here starring a girl superhero period.

Me: HA HA HA HA HA HA

Me: *stabs self in eyes*